Insatiable

Monday, June 15, 2009 @ 9:00 PM

So let's just stop & face each other

It's like looking in the mirror

Recognize our similarities

Yes it's time to come together

We can make things even better

Try to be what He meant us to be

ONE FAMILY

Nothing else compares to being with you girls - NOTHING

Miss you, love you, wanna see you

Friday, June 05, 2009 @ 10:52 PM

What's ironic is how I love looking at pictures of us to make me smile, but they always end up making me cry.
Founder's Day was a week ago, and the feeling of being in IJ back then still lingers on today - How everybody huddles up and sings, how we look around and we know IJ will always be family. It's quite amazing how all my posts are conjured up solely because I miss IJ. Today I was scrolling through pictures in my iPod when Anne messaged me asking where I have been. Training + Study session has been taking up most of my life these days (Okay, all of my life), that is why I'm always so happy when I get to see you guys on weekends, even if it is for a few hours. The transition from a familiar IJ to a disconnected and completely detatched Nj isn't all that easy. No one else gets why I'm so hung up over IJ. All I've got to say is you've gotta be part of it to fully comprehend the way I feel now. This is also another reason why I thank God that I've got Tricia in the team. HELLO MY BAG OF TRICKS (If you're reading this, I'm really blessed to have you.)

Many times I feel like I could just break down while I'm on the boat for so many different reasons - Reasons that I will not publicly display here, but I will say one thing. I hardly have confidence in myself and I know it's showing. Get over it, get over your fear of the water, get over the trauma of not being good enough, stick your blade in the water, and pull.

Monday, May 25, 2009 @ 8:48 AM

Hi guys, I know it's been long. So much has been going on but I don't seem to have the time and patience to sit down and blog about them

Over the weekend, a lot changed. Things I already learnt from my past were significantly reinforced again. Maybe it was a wake up call for me, for all of us - To open our eyes to all that we've been taking for granted. Have you ever wondered how many lives would stop if yours did? I spent a lengthy amount of time thinking about it on Friday and I suddenly realised how meaningless my life is now. I'm not suicidal but my life is lacking in purpose in terms of how much I live my life for others.

Another thought that I've been harbouring is one that questions why and how I couldn't do anything about it. How we didn't see what happened. I know it's far too late to regret or to brood over this, but I cannot help wondering if there was more we could have done. Still, my head's yelling for me to get a grip, and take control of my over-reactive emotions. In the face of death, we all quiver with fear but the gradual period after the passing of someone dear to you sees a birth of a completely new person, a birth of a kind of strength we never knew.

When you held me tight on Friday night, when we spent more than an hour in silence, I knew at once you were the one I wanted to hold on to, possibly, for the rest of my life. I know some of you may think I'm being irrational, impractical, over-indulgent in my fantasy - I sometimes think that way too. But like I told him, I'll fight, I'll push, and I know this is different because we both acknowledge the fact that it isn't going to be easy. We know the next 2 years will be hell, and there's a high probability we'd feel like giving it all up, but I made a promise to fight with every fiber of my being, and hold on to what we have because I have complete faith in you, in us. I love you and that's what makes the mess around me seem bearable.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009 @ 10:10 PM

It's never going to be the same, not without each and everyone of you - Not without the feel of being a family, a complete entity.

Today for CCAL, we went to CHIJ Our Lady Queen of Peace to meet with the VP and guess what? I realised it was the place where we had our Self-Awareness Camp more than a year ago. The playground where 4/3 just stayed to cam whore at, the IJ Sisters Home, just made me realise how much IJ retreats and other programmes meant to me. The little people prancing around in the IJ Pinafore made me miss IJ even more than I already have been, because the IJ Uniform was our identity we wore proudly. To conclude our session, the VP said, "We'll pray that everything works out with God's grace." Roxanne and I looked at each other and we realised that where ever we go, whichever convent we were from, we're IJ girls, and that's something so deep-rooted, it's untouchable. The values and the lessons learnt in IJ will carry us through the next two years, and the following years to come. And even though we may not be donning our blue pinafore anymore, we know that where ever we go, an IJ Girl will always stand out in the crowd.

I miss my friends so much because like I read on Eliza's PM, "We weren't just friends, we were family"

Monday, March 30, 2009 @ 9:13 PM

"When you feel like giving up, remember, you signed up for this."

Now you know things are bad when Erjie starts making sense.

I've never been the one to take my own advice, never been that girl who could disregard everything and everybody else to act independently, but I've also never been the girl who gives up without a fight. Neither have I been the girl who wouldn't bounce back after a fall, no matter how hard or deep. Then again, I've never been the girl with no one to trust, never been the girl who had nobody to fall back on, never been the girl who would hold back the tears. I'm afraid I'm losing touch with the essence of what makes me, me.

IJ connected me to God. & Now without morning and end of the day prayers, without weekly Friday masses, without masses on every occassion, without a "God Bless you" following thanks at the end of the lesson, I feel so empty, I feel so disconnected. I'm losing reason for my routine, and we all know that when you lose reason, you lose drive, and almost anything else that has kept you going for the past few months.

I need to keep the faith through everything and push even harder than before. Believe in things unseen, and hope for a better day tomorrow.

On a happier note, IJ BAND ATTAINED THE GOLD FOR SYF 2009!

Congrats my dearest juniors. You all are missed tremendously.

Alyssa

"The hidden strength is too deep a secret. But in the end...in the end it is our only ally."
I Never Promised You a Rose Garden by Joanne Greenberg